Getting to the "hope" part

There is a possibility I have read everything written on the topic of grief. I remember when my children were babies I approached the whole motherhood thing the same way. I had every book written on breastfeeding, nutrition, health, discipline and every other foreign aspect of raising these small beings into independent, functioning adults. I reasoned that if people smarter and more talented than me have traveled these unfamiliar roads and were thoughtful enough to write about the experience I would be wise to learn from their take.

Time after time I have read you never "get over" the death of a child. Reluctantly, I am willing to accept this idea. This would explain why occasionally I can sob my heart out as if this unplanned event happened yesterday and not two years ago. While the business of living your life goes on, the sadness catches you life a cat pouncing on an ant.

When I began the whole blog thing I thought that writing about my experience would help me clarify my thoughts. As the weeks turn into months I realize that for me, there is no function served by agonizing over the details of losing my child. I know this brings comfort to some parents who have experienced the same agonizing loss. There are no rules for this road. We each have to travel it in our own way, at our own pace and a timetable that feels right to us.

The thing that does serve a purpose, as I see it, is to be a participant in the lives that are still going on. Mine included.