Dear Eric:
Happy 18th Birthday! Would you have asked me to buy lottery tickets like I did for you sister on her 18th birthday? Would we go out for dinner? What would you have wanted?
The two things I would want to know if I could talk to you are, do you know how absolutely I love you and; are you safe? Sometimes I have a mini panic moment and text your sister S & S? Safe and Sound. For that moment I know that she is "safe". For now, you will just have to be safe in my heart.
I have read that tears are cleansing. I fail to see how swollen eyes and an impossibly stuffy nose are cleansing. If tears are cleansing, I have personally cried enough to scrub a landfill. Yesterday I had the thought that it is more physically painful to let you go than it was to bring you into the world. My whole body hurts with the pain of loss. But, today will be over. I will continue to find ways to live my life without you. I absoluetly believe that there will be joy in my life. You lived a joyful life and I intend to honor that. Happy Birthday, Jelly Bean, Love Mama.
